Workplace Wrath: How to Successfully Deal with 'Mean People' at Work
If you’ve ever worked for or with a person who has an out-of-control temper, you know you'll never change them. So what can you do instead? You do have choices to shape your work environment and survive a very difficult situation.
Be prepared.
You actually are at an advantage if you realize that the person is out-of-control. Do you think I’m nuts? It really is better to be prepared and on your guard when someone might be out-of-control. You'll come to meetings ready with a response that protects you when you are on guard.
Notice how other people treat others as you work with them. Just because someone isn't verbally attacking you and is attacking another person, it doesn’t mean you are safe. It just means that this person might get you in their crosshairs one day. Be on guard and be ready.
The worker with anger management problems.
I worked for a manager with anger management problems. Working under the condition of not knowing when he would blow up created enormous stress for me. Just imagine not being able to eat your oatmeal in the morning because your stomach was in a knot Monday through Friday. That was me. I couldn’t eat much during the day either. (I don’t advocate stress as a weight-loss diet.)
What finally defused the situation was when I politely stood up for myself during one of his outbursts. I had met with him to discuss my work to close a very large deal. I had contacted four levels of authority at my customer to obtain approvals to submit my product. After I got that, I had to get the manufacturer of this very rare piece of equipment to also approve my product--I got the approval. Then the customer insisted that I get a recommendation from another user who also used my product. Out of the six machines operating in the whole country, there was one who used my product; I got the recommendation. Despite all this work, our price wasn’t low enough. I didn’t get the business.
So here’s what I said after he screamed at me for not getting the business. I said, not as calmly as I would have wished, “If you can’t talk in a civil tone, then I don’t need to listen.” I promptly got up to leave the room.
I wish it had ended with that, but it didn’t. He yelled back, “You can come back when you’re less emotional.” I quickly turned and said, “I’ll come back when you’re less emotional.” That’s when I did leave.
What’s next?
You must politely (notice there was no screaming, name calling, or profanity in my response) assert yourself and protect your right to be treated respectfully. The sad reality is that out-of-control people probably won’t stop their behavior entirely. What they will do is focus on someone other than you. That should be the best you can expect.
Do I recommend you contact human resources? I would say you should seriously consider it. However, I also caution you because it all depends on whether you're confident there will be no retaliation against you. It’s nice to think that everyone plays fairly in business and by the rules, but office politics is very real. Your complaint will be in your file forever.
If you must seek the assistance of HR, get a group of people together instead of being the lone challenger. Management will find it more difficult to ignore a group of people who can attest to the bad behavior of one individual.
If you have only four truly bad days at work in a year, then I believe that you have a great job. Please use this as a guideline to ensure that you have no more than four bad days when you stand up for yourself.
