In Business Relationships, It Pays to Keep Score
One of my favorite lines from Star Trek is from Deep Space Nine, when Doctor Bashir explains the parable of The Boy Who Cried Wolf to Garak -- the Cardassian tailor, who we later find out is an intergalactic spy of the highest order.
"The point, Garak," Bashir says, "is that if you lie all the time, nobody will believe you."
"Actually, Doctor," Garak replies, "I believe the point is to never tell the same lie twice."
I think about that quote every time I have to confront someone about a missed deadline, a breached contract, or failed expectations.
This morning one of those confrontations became reality -- a former client wanted me to reiterate my ideas for their new internal social media person. For free. A brain-dump of sorts, for which I quoted them my hourly rate and was immediately showered with insults about my alma mater, my attitude, and my age.
After delivering a largely logical yet life-long-ego-bruising retort, I moved on. In about five more minutes, I'll have forgotten about the entire incident.
But I will never forget the score.
As business owners, we have to know the score -- who got us points and who's in the red. Employees, customers, business partners -- in the words of House, everybody lies. If they tell the same lie twice, it's just a lot easier to keep score.
However, the most duplicitous business folk we ever encounter -- as consumers or as business owners -- will be the people who know which lies to use to get back into our good graces.
Lying is a skill. It requires constant maintenance to keep up -- just like gaining and keeping six-pack abs (I admit, I'm only hazarding a guess there).
Judging honesty and intent can be very difficult in the business world. Rather than guessing -- often incorrectly -- that someone has lied to you or is lying to you, it's a lot easier just to keep score.
If the relationship is a negative one, you have to evaluate whether it's worth fixing. For example, how many times has this person put you out or failed you? How many times have they helped you out or delighted you? How many times have you failed them? How many times have you delighted them?
It's a social equation that looks like this: Them(Delight - Fail) vs You(Delight - Fail).
Most relationships balance out. As humans we work incredibly hard for people who often fail to meet our expectations -- for example parents and children who have tumultuous relationships. In business, this can be fatal -- or at least, lead to bankruptcy -- so short of your intuition, that social equation gives you a meaningful way to judge how much someone is interacting or interfering with your business.
If you come up with negative answers on both sides of the equation, you need to figure out if it's time to cut the line on that relationship. Hurt spawning more hurt is a horrible place to be in with a business relationship. It hurts productivity and profits.
If one side is more negative than the other -- fix it. If it's theirs, reset expectations. If it's yours, figure out why you're such a jerk. Well, that is -- figure out how you can help them win more.
When it comes to creating peaceful working relationships, you absolutely must keep score. If the value goes too far in any one direction, there's a problem -- someone's giving or taking too much. Business is almost always give-and-take -- the obligation is on both parties to keep the scoreboard as balanced and as positive as possible.
That is, unless you're OK with being a jerk.
You can find more from Nick Armstrong on Twitter and at his personal website.
