5 Mistakes That People With Emotional Intelligence Never Make

By Cloris Kyle

"Emotional intelligence quotient" or EQ has become such a buzzword these days, we often tune out when we hear people talk about it. Many of us perceive emotional intelligence as a clever term to convince us to be more empathetic. Emotional intelligence, however, goes well beyond empathy. When we’re emotionally intelligent, we have mastered our emotions -- and that's no easy task.

You might have witnessed people “losing it” in business. They cry in frustration. They shout and slam doors. They threaten to leave. They plead. In short, they let their negative emotions drive their behavior. Their colorful behavior is then usually followed by employees gossiping at the water cooler with the final result being long-lasting damage to the person's personal brand. Unfortunately, anyone with a weak personal brand has little chance of professional advancement.

This is why as overused as the term "emotional intelligence" might be, we must pay attention to it. The following are five common mistakes emotionally intelligent people never make. Avoid these mistakes to keep your brand strong and to help you advance on the path to success.

1. You don't pay attention to nonverbal signals.

Most of our communication is nonverbal. Being able to read between the lines (or between the gestures) is essential in order to collaborate with others and to exert influence.

Focus on the nonverbal cues of those around you so you can ask the right questions. For example, if your gut feeling tells you that you're confusing people, ask whether you can explain yourself better. This allows people to feel that you “get them,” and then they will be compelled to share their ideas with you. When you’re a good listener, you become an ally.

2. You don't think emotions should play a role in business or decision making.

You might have heard statements such as, “Emotions have no place in business,” “Don’t let your emotions get in the way,” or “Don’t let them see you cry.” Many supposedly savvy business people act under the premise that being in touch with one’s emotions is a weakness, when in reality it’s a strength. What's actually a weakness is not recognizing our emotions or letting negative emotions rule our thoughts and behaviors.

Your intuition should be one of your most powerful tools for decision making. Your gut feeling can tell you what your conscious mind is too busy to notice. To access your intuition, however, you must first acknowledge your emotions, and then figure out the root cause of any negative emotions. Stop calling emotions a hindrance, and instead view them as a guidance system. My rule of thumb is, “I never do anything that feels off.”

3. You call yourself impatient.

Adopting a label such as “impatient” to define yourself provides an excuse for impulsive behavior and inconsistency. Many businesses and projects with incredible potential are either abandoned for the sake of impatience, or produce poor or mediocre results because of the haste with which they are planned and executed. Impatience can cause lost opportunity and additional work to fix mistakes created from rushing.

Boost your EQ by working diligently to reach your goals while preparing for contingencies. Trust in your ability to succeed, even if the process to create what you desire takes longer than you expected.

4. When people are upset, you assume it’s because of something you said or did.

Being “easily offended” conveys lack of control over your emotions, which translates into a low EQ. It’s tempting to blame those who are upset for their own lack of emotional control. It’s easy to say that they should be the ones to “fix” themselves. However, blaming others is giving them control of our thoughts and behaviors. Having a high EQ requires us to take charge of our lives, not the lives of others.

Instead of becoming offended or blaming others for your current situation, become a more attentive listener. Ask questions to determine whether there's a problem that needs to be solved, and whether you need to be part of the solution. Keep in mind that everyone around you is dealing with his or her own set of challenges, which in most cases are not related to you.

5. You regret things you said or did when you were upset.

Regret is a clear sign that you're allowing your negative emotions to reign. Instead of feeling guilty for what you do, evaluate your past actions to learn about yourself. What made you lose control of your emotions? What are your “hot buttons” and why did they became hot in the first place? You might discover beliefs that don’t serve you, and since beliefs are only thoughts that you keep thinking, you have the power to change or eliminate beliefs that limit you.

Decide to take control of your emotions, and start using your intuition as a compass that will guide you to deeper connections and more rewarding social interactions.