Teaching Our Kids the Value of Quiet Time

I had a great interview this week with Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life. I have so many post ideas based on just this half an hour chat with Ms. Mandel, posts I believe will really make you stop and think about your life, your stress level, and how this all affects your children.

Today I wanted to start with one topic that came up during our conversation: Overscheduling our kids.

You know (or maybe you are!) the family. They wake at dawn, are gone all day doing a variety of activities, and come home after dark only to drop into bed.

The children are involved in everything: band, chorus, soccer, gymnastics, Cub Scouts, and extra-curricular activities in school. We as parents are busy doing everything: on the phone while cleaning the house while folding laundry and trying to paint our nails.

We go, go and go so more.

We are unable to just 'be.'

Says Debbie of this type of schedule, " . . .(we are) encouraging a form of ADD, we are going to live in ADD, we don't know how to be quiet. It is detrimental," she says, "because everyone is depending on this adrenaline surge of stimulation."

If dinner generally consists of fast food, your dinner table is the holder of items and not a place to meet up with the other members of your family, and if you can't remember the last time you sat down and relaxed and reflected on life-or the last time your children did-then it is time to make some changes.

Why?

Ms. Mandel and I were discussing this idea of overscheduling our kids as we talked about a previous post I wrote about the idea that we must constantly entertain our children, or give them something to do. Then she said something that really hit home. She said this: "Children need quiet time. They need to be creative."

The problem? We are overloaded, says Mandel. "As women we are overloaded, and children are overloaded, and as a result everything gets out of balance."

We need to have more natural play, she insists.

"We need to reset natural rhythms."

Think of how important it is to take time to reflect about your life. If you don't stop and think about your life, if you don't stop doing stuff long enough to give yourself some time for creativity, such as journaling or scrapbooking or photography, then you never will truly connect with yourself.

As we know, our kids learn by our example. They learn how to treat others by the way we treat them and by the way they see us treat others.

Their eating habits and their exercise routines are learned by what they see us do, and how much time and effort we put into teaching them these things.

It is the same for quiet time. If we don't give them this quiet time, and let them explore, they will never learn how to do this. Then how will they be as adults? How will they ever know what they truly like, and how to be quiet, and how to reflect, if we don't show them?

So what should you do as a parent to make this happen?

1. Give them quiet time! I do this every single day with our kids. Even though the four and a half year old doesn't nap any longer, she still goes to her room with a book or two, sometimes a barbie, sometimes coloring and art supplies, and she has an hour in her room of simple quiet time.
   
2. Don't schedule all of play time. Have time during the week when your kids can play without being told what to play. Let them go into the play room and explore the toys that they have. Having fun activities to participate in is wonderful, but so is downtime.
   
3. Limit the  video games. Instead, encourage imaginative play and creative time. If the kids are stuck to the screen all day they aren't going to learn how to just play unless they are stimulated.
4. Give creative time. Do arts and crafts with your kids. Not a crafty kind of gal? Then check out some books at the library. They have a wide variety of craft books. You can do crafts for certain holidays, you can use foam art, you can make puppets out of felt or paper bags. Show a project and then let your kids go crazy making it their own.
   
5. Lead by example! Show your kids that you can have quiet time. Do this by encouraging them to do something that is quiet, maybe a craft activity, and then doing your own. One of our favorite times at the house is to get out all of our craft supplies. I show the kids how to do a craft and they work on their craft and I get out my scrapbooking supplies and do this while they are creating their own inventions.