Connecting With Your Children on Mother's Day and Beyond
Working mothers often feel torn in a variety of directions. Work, friendships, household tasks, errands, children, and spousal relationship require a lot of time and dedication, but with only twenty-four hours in a day, sometimes, no matter what you do, there just are not enough minutes to get it all done.
And while flowers and cards and gifts are great, what mothers really want, says Kimberley Clayton Blaine, author of The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children, may not come in a package.
“Flowers, cards, and breakfast in bed are great, but at the end of the day, what mothers really want is to feel a real, deep, and lasting emotional bond with their kids,” says Blaine, who works as a licensed family and child therapist. This mother of two adds, “They want the great relationship every single (ordinary) day, no the big show of affection that comes around only once a year.”
Blaine adds that the idea of creating this deep experience can seem daunting, but mothers can create this connection with children by following some easy steps. “There are simple changes that any parent can make that will work wonders for creating the bond with her child that she desires.” And once the small changes become habits, they will come naturally.
What can you do to form deeper connections with your children every day of the year?
Make time for playtime. Play can be one of the best ways a parent connects with children. “Not only does play release energy and provide opportunities to be involved in a child’s world,” says Blaine, “it is also how children process their inner feelings and work out their little-kid-real-life issues.” I know that pulling out the Candyland game or getting onto the floor for a half hour of Barbies really connects me with my children. I try to do something with them every day, though this is not always possible. And I find it doesn’t have to be Barbies or board games. Walking, skating, swimming, and other physical forms of entertainment are great for not only connecting but for teaching healthy living habits.
Plug in emotionally. Parents need to make an effort to “plug in” to how their children are feeling. “Plugging in to the emotions that your child is experiencing and being present with her through each new feeling can help the two fo you to deepen your emotional bond with one another,” she says. Try to determine how she is feeling, and then ask about this. Why is she sad? Why did he arrive home so happy? Once you know the reason, discuss this with your child. Congratulate the triumphs and try to help your child deal with the frustrations.
Fess up when you slip up. We are not all perfect, and as parents we do make mistakes. The key is to grow with them and to remember that admitting your mistakes will help teach your children how to deal with his own emotions. “When ‘fessing up’, be specific, identify the behaviors for which you are apologizing, and share the feelings you were experiencing at the time and how you felt afterwards,” says Blaine. The goal, she adds, is to catch your mistakes and repair the connection with your child in hopes that this will teach him a valuable lesson – that you don’t have to be perfect.
