Can Your Marriage Survive the Challenges of Entrepreneurship?
I have no clue if a marriage can survive the challenges because, unfortunately, mine didn’t. I didn’t raise an eyebrow when I read a recent article from the latest edition of Inc. magazine titled Why So Many Entrepreneurs Get Divorced by Meg Cadoux Hirshberg. I remembered all too well the day-to-day strain and pressure of being married to an entrepreneur. In fact, I wish Meg had published her book, For Better or For Work: A Survival Guide for Entrepreneurs and Their Families, some 30 years ago. Maybe we could have survived?
Indeed, the well-known statistical divorce rate of 50 percent for married couples is staggering. Undoubtedly, entrepreneur couples are in an extremely high risk category. According to Meg Cadoux Hirshberg’s article, the most common reasons cited for divorce among entrepreneur couples are:
- Neglect
- Financial strain
- Lack of communication
- Divergent goals
If you look at any of these top reasons, I think it would take the force of the entire Vatican, praying in tandem, to ensure that couples stay married. The sheer amount of time and energy required to run even a small business, coupled with the financial strain on a family, can be downright insane. But, when you look closely at the list above, you realize the issues are essentially the same for non-entrepreneurs.
As a former wife of an entrepreneur, I have wonderful memories of spending quality time with my children when they were young and while their father was hard at work building a business. Athletic practices and games, family dinners, school events and conferences and many more special occasions were repeatedly missed for years. Was it worth it? I asked myself this question over and over.
I know my husband wanted to be a part of that family time, but he was vigilantly focused on pursuing business opportunities for professional success. As I mentioned, our marriage didn’t survive but it wasn’t because we lacked communication or had divergent goals. His "mistress" was, in fact, the business.
So, the question begs itself, “How do you define personal success?” Is it financial success and security? Is it about rewarding relationships, work/life balance, or maybe a life of meaning? While I don’t have any breakout statistics on whether financial success is the end all, I can tell you that there are most certainly many individuals who find true happiness and enjoyment through the cultivation of rewarding relationships. This is "success" to them.
In the end, spending quality time with the people we love, having a sense of belonging, and seizing the opportunity to enjoy our children are critical to maintain while also pursuing professional success.
My parents never said being married would be easy, but I never knew how many challenges a marriage could face, especially when one spouse is solely focused on building a prosperous business. Indeed, women face tremendous guilt and judgment in terms of assuming the role of breadwinner while also raising children, but I believe that juggling act and accompanying career demands are also experienced by men in a very similar way.
The bottom line is that marriage takes work and building a business takes work. If you want the best of both worlds, it’s important to respect each part of your life by giving it the focus and devotion it deserves. Give yourself the edge and clarity you need to stay on both tracks of having a fulfilling marriage and prosperous business.
