You've probably seen the pattern firsthand. It's predictable: Accusation --> Defensiveness --> Counter-attack --> Shutdown --> Repeat.
This is circular fighting, a recurring argument loop where the same issue is rehashed again and again. Emotions get heated and both sides may feel unsafe. It's annoying anytime it happens, but especially annoying in business environments.
Some of the go-to patterns in circular fighting:
- Topic-shifting and "evidence dumping"
- Lack of closure
- Physiological effects (heart-racing, tight chest)
- Flooding with multiple past offenses
- Character attacks ("always"/"never", "you're just")
People may be on high alert
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash Business settings are natural environments for some people to dominate the discussion and others to be quieter or be attacked for every wrong word. If you feel things going in the wrong direction – It's best to call a timeout, practice deep breathing, or work on orienting (5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear) to get out of this state.
Betrayal changes the stakes
Photo by Sebastian Herrmann on Unsplash You may scan for signs of danger or be stuck in shame or fear in toxic environments where people may go on the attack. That bleeds into the conversation and defensiveness spikes.
Angie Doel works with individuals, couples and business partners to help restore relationships. Find more and contact her at https://rebuildingrelationships.org/
Without structure, the goal quietly shifts
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash This especially happens when you don't have a set agenda. Unstructured talk easily drifts into "protect myself from pain or shame," setting the scene for conflict to be more likely.
Goal: Relate --> Reason
Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash Focus on be aligned on shared goals and work together to achieve them.
Negativity Bias and Confirmation Loops
Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash Sometimes you've created an environment rich with negativity bias without realizing it. That naturally shrinks generosity and all-around is just toxic. Do a sentiment check and try to keep things positive, while realistic.
Moving targets
Photo by Anastase Maragos on Unsplash While it may provide temporary relief in the moment, consistently moving targets leads to a "Jello" like impact, lowering expectations and leading to fuzzy agreements with co-workers. This can breed infighting and open up debates, a classic case of circularity.
