Balancing Work & Life: Siblings and Business Partners

From smSmallBiz

WHEN MICHAEL CURCIO , founder of fast-food chain Pyrogrill in Jupiter, Fla., wanted to expand his business, he looked for a partner with complementary skills who he could trust implicitly. The natural choice? His older brother Jason. The next challenge was figuring out how best to work together without squabbling or butting heads.

When you've got a shared past, "you kind of handle things like brothers — and that's not really conducive to good business behavior," says 30-year-old Curcio, who made his brother, now 37, director of franchising and part owner in 2003. "We had to find a common ground where we can work as professionals."

Siblings often grow up teasing one another, competing for attention, and fighting over toys or TV time. They can simultaneously be the best of friends and the worst of enemies. And when they run companies together as adults, those longtime conflicts can easily re-emerge, threatening both the business and an otherwise close personal relationship.

At the Family Business Institute in Raleigh, N.C., an advisory firm for family-owned companies, one of the "biggest complaints when people call us is 'I can't get along with my brother or sister,'" says president Wayne Rivers. Often, that's because an irritating situation at work has continued for too long. While nonrelated business colleagues might actively attempt to work out differences, families typically "don't have the conflict-resolution skills," he says "They sit there, and they won't talk, and they stew."

That's why sisters Jackie Grabin and Debby Tappan, who run their family's pest-control business, Arrow Exterminating in Lynbrook, N.Y., made it a pact long ago to resolve differences as soon as they arose. "That's a policy of ours," says Tappan. "We don't let things fester."

The sisters say coming up with a defined role that each plays in the company has helped reduce tension or disagreements. Grabin, 58, supervises other managers and deals with technicians who are out in the field; Tappan, 53, supervises the office staff and handles employee benefits such as Arrow's health care and 401(k) programs.

The two, who have served as Arrow's co-presidents for the past 10 years, say they strive to be seen as a cohesive unit to the company's 100 or so employees. If you bring in "personal infighting, that makes everyone uncomfortable," Tappan says.

It's all about respect, Grabin adds. "Sometimes, people treat family members worse than they treat strangers," she says. "It's important to have that professional relationship at work." The two act more like regular sisters on the weekends, when they shop, go to the movies, exercise together and hang out with each other's families.

Brothers Michael (left) and Jason (right) Curcio run fast-food chain Pyrogrill, but still cook meals together on the weekends.

Learning to forge a new professional relationship can be tough for sibling business partners, especially at the beginning, says Kathy Marshack, a psychologist and family business coach in Portland, Ore. An older sibling, for instance, might naturally want to boss around a younger brother or sister, even if they are equal partners in the business. And hurt feelings or grievances from years past (even something as seemingly insignificant as a less-than-flattering nickname) can cause trouble, if not addressed. "Anything that's still there from childhood — and there always is — will be re-enacted in the business," she says. "You want to take a look at that…and see if you can work through it."

Before going into business together, siblings should decide the positions they'll take based on skills, rather than family hierarchy or history, Marshack suggests. Siblings frequently "typecast themselves into roles that aren't suitable for them," she says. For instance, a younger sibling who's the "baby" of the family might automatically take a lesser role, even though he or she has demonstrated leadership abilities as a grown-up. "You've got to look at your talents, now that you're adults."

Sibling partners also should be prepared for the stress of running a business, says David Choi, assistant professor of management and entrepreneurship at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. Especially in the early stages, growing a business is "almost like going to war," he says. "It's very strenuous. You are testing your character."

Even the most compatible partners will experience "times when you hate each other, just because you work together each day," says Choi, who himself ran a salad-dressing company for three years with his younger sister, ultimately selling the company when sales began to lag. "Always know that you are family…and you will like each other eventually."

When a serious rift occurs, that's often because "the siblings don't really share a common vision for the business," says Rivers, of the Family Business Institute. He advises siblings to talk about their long-term goals; if one wants to grow the company and cash out after five years, while the other wants to create a business to pass on to their children, "right away we know we have conflict."

For the Curcio brothers, there have been speed bumps along the way, but five years of working together and treating each other as professionals is paying off. The two spend most days in separate offices about six miles apart which "is probably why we haven't killed each other yet," says younger brother Michael. The brothers advise other sibling partners to "divide your responsibilities — and then hold yourself accountable and not have your sibling hold you accountable for them," adds Jason.

The business is growing (they're on track to open seven new locations this year) and the brothers still get together every Sunday night to cook a big family dinner for whatever relatives are in town. "We'll always be brothers, whether we're working together or not," says Michael. "That's more important to us."

"Balancing Work & Life," a weekly column written by Colleen DeBaise for smSmallBiz.com, advises entrepreneurs on how to better balance their lives. Write to her at cdebaise@smartmoney.com .

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