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Jeff Foxworthy actually made a list (a long list) of things that might help rednecks recognize themselves and find humor in their own behavior. In the same tradition, I will now present for you a list of things to help you recognize when you’ve breached the frequent traveler threshold and you might want to take a look at slowing down a bit.
You might travel too much if:
- You moved your family to a hub city to reduce the number of layovers and connections you had to endure.
- You recognize flight attendants, and you remember their first names.
- Flight attendants recognize YOU, and they remember what you like to drink!
- The guy at the McDonald’s in your local airport sees you and asks, “Would you like the usual?”
- When you sign the room service bill in your hotel, you write in the room number you were assigned LAST week in another city in a completely different hotel.
- You’ve eaten so much room service from so many hotels in a given hotel chain, that you can now order from any Marriott, Hilton, or Hyatt in the nation without seeing a menu.
- You’ve “test driven” more than 100 cars from rental agencies.
- You have a driver’s license, a passport, and an international driver’s license as forms of id.
- You know the make and model of an airplane, just by looking at it; AND, you can describe in detail the difference between an Airbus A319, A320, A330, and A380.
- You have enough frequent flier miles to take a free trip around the planet, first class; and yet, you continue to collect them.
- You have enough hotel points to stay more than a month in any hotel that you choose; and yet… you continue to collect them.
- Your TV, and all major appliances were purchased with some kind of frequent traveler points, books, or coupons.
- Your wife freely redecorates or rearranges rooms and furniture in the house without your consent, and when you get home, you fail to notice.
- You sleep like a baby on a pillow top mattress in a Marriott hotel, but you have trouble falling asleep at home.
- Before you buy any electronics, you ask yourself how well it will pack, if it will pass through security, and how big its transformer and power-cord are.
- You’ve had more than 10 shots to immunize yourself against various world diseases, and you carry a yellow Federal Immunization history record in your passport wallet.
- You renewed your passport before it expired because it was FULL.
- You flush with anger and resentment whenever you see the initials TSA.
- You know EXACTLY which hotels, motels, taxi-cabs, and restaurants take AMX, VISA, Mastercard, and/or Dinersclub and who doesn’t.
- You spend more time scheduling when you can be HOME than you do booking travel for going on the road!