I am so large that my importance lies mainly in the harm I can do to others who would suffer should I fail. It would be a ripple effect. I am the stone you cannot afford to throw. I am AIG. I think I shall tell President Bush that I need
$ 85,000,000,000. I wonder what he’ll say. It’s an election year, you know. Hmmmmmm…
Hello. George, is that really you? How are things down there? You’re very busy? Funny, so am I. Well, let me get to the point. We have a slight problem here. Oh, you do too? That’s funny. You’re not joking, huh? Oh well. If I could do what you can do, I wouldn’t be bothering you. I need $ 85,000,000,000, and I need it right now. No, George, I’m not joking. How long will it take you to arrange this? I don’t have a lot of time or patience these days. Well, George, if Congress could bail out Chrysler for Lee Iacocca, you can do this for me. No, George, I don’t feel like crapping around for weeks and months while you think about it. Get me the damn money now, George. There. That’s more like it. You get Henry on it today. Thanks, George. I knew I could count on you.
OK, guys. George Bush is gonna get us our money. Turn on CNN and let’s watch Henry explain to all the people out there how damn important we are. Now isn’t that just lovely! Anyone for a little golf? Get the jet ready. We’re gong to that great resort out in California and have a golf outing. No, don’t invite Schwarzenegger. I’m not in the mood for his crap this week.
Hello, George. It’s me again. I need another $ 35,000,000,000. George, don’t give me that crap. We needed that California outing to let off that head of steam you caused by taking over a week to get us that first $ 85,000,000,000. We’re only human, George, and you just have to appreciate that. George, since this is only $ 35,000,000,000, can’t you just have Henry advance it out of the Federal Reserve instead of causing another whining session with Congress. Good, George. That’s the spirit. Day after tomorrow would be just fine, George. Thanks, George. And people call you a lame duck! Little do they know, right George?
OK guys. We’re getting another $ 35,000,000,000. That was too easy. Maybe I should have asked for more. Oh well! Anyone for dinner at Petrus in London? Get the plane ready.