The Art of the Ask: 5 Tips for Getting What You Want
We all have things that we want but haven’t yet obtained because someone is standing in our way. Maybe you’d like to borrow your friend’s Tuscan villa for the summer but are afraid to bring up the subject. Or you’re a Batman enthusiast and have your eye on the McLaren X-1, but you have yet to ask your boss for a raise (possibly a very large raise). Regardless of your specific aspiration, asking for what you want can prove difficult, unless you adhere to the following five tips:
1. Wait for the right time
Asking for something you really want is a little like trying to make a sale. You don’t want to jump on top of a prospect that just showed the slightest interest. Instead, you want to wait until you have a positive relationship with a person before going in for the kill. Be cognizant of the other person’s time and wait for a break in their day to ask for a favor.
2. Explain what’s in it for them
Most people want to help others, so it pays to ask for what you want. At the same time, it is a good idea to devise a plan for what the other person will get once your wish is granted. If it is the Tuscan villa timeshare, maybe you could offer to gift a new painting for the property or make dinner for the homeowner every week for a month once you get back from your Italian getaway.
If you’re asking for a raise, explain exactly why you deserve it and what you’ve done for your company. Come prepared to answer difficult questions about your future plans, how you intend to help the business moving forward and the additional responsibilities you will be willing to take on after your pay is increased.
3. Be specific
Don’t beat around the bush when asking for something. Be as direct and specific as possible. This will show that you’ve come prepared for the conversation and respect the other person’s time.
4. Convey confidence
You don’t want to be cocky, but you don’t want to be shy either. Strike this delicate balance by explaining exactly why you are asking for the favor/salary raise, etc., and then let the other person respond. Don’t interrupt them when they are talking and don’t back down with concessions. Show that you deserve what you are asking for by being self-assured and knowing your worth.
5. Don’t go overboard
Take time to think about what you will be asking before you approach your subject. Is the Tuscan villa request way over the top? It might not be if you’ve been friends with the homeowner for 20 years; it may be considered presumptions, though, if you just met them last week. A salary raise is the last thing you should be asking for if you’ve been at a company for less than six months.
If you aren’t sure whether or not to go in for the ask, first talk to a trusted friend or family member to gage their reaction to your request. Once they agree that you should go for it, take a deep breath and ask. You may be surprised to get exactly what you want.
