The world knows Ronald McDonald as a kind, gentle clown who pals around with Mayor McCheese and the Hamburglar. But to the folks at PETA, Ronald is a knife-wielding maniac who gleefully butchers helpless chickens. PETA doesn’t like the electric stunning method used by McDonald’s to slaughter its chickens. So it’s distributing “Unhappy Meals” outside various McDonald’s restaurants that depict the iconic spokesclown as a cross between Freddie, Jason, and Hannibal Lecter. The idea is to draw attention to the plight of the poultry, but some parents are complaining that the gruesome campaign is terrifying their children. Terrifying?! You want terrifying, try adding the Sweet ‘N Sour Sauce to the McChicken Ranch BLT. Nasty.
A guy’s guy. Did you read the big news out of South Carolina? No, it’s not that philandering governor Mark Sanford now faces likely impeachment or that his heiress wife has deserted him. It’s that Sanford gets his hair cut at Great Clips! How do we know? The Associated Press accused the governor of using a state-owned plane to rush him to a hair salon appointment. Sanford shot back in a newspaper editorial that “this so-called hair salon is a walk-in Great Clips where you can get an $11 haircut.” Whad’ya know, Sanford’s a regular guy just like us. Anyone who’s into no-frills haircuts and steaming hot Argentine babes with two magnificent parts is okay with us.
Kid’s menu. Have you ever given your six year old free range of the kitchen and let him whip up whatever he wants? Neither have we. We’re not so into cheese sticks dipped in chocolate sauce and sprinkled with gummy bears and Pirate Booty. But, apparently, the folks at Red Robin aren’t so particular. The franchise restaurant chain is encouraging budding gourmets to submit their original burger recipes. The contest is open to kids 6 through 12 years of age. The winner gets a trip to Universal Orlando, and his or her burger will be placed on the Red Robin menu for a limited time. But please, hold the SweeTarts.
Just desserts? A Florida doctor has learned the hard way that some things in that state are simply beyond reproach. We’re not talking about Jesus or Mickey Mouse. We’re talking about donuts. Dr. Jason Newson, who worked at the Florida Health Department, was booted from his $140,000 a year government job for ranting against Dunkin’ Donuts. Seems the health nut placed an electronic sign outside his office that read: “America Dies on Dunkin’.” It’s an obvious parody of the “America Runs on Dunkin'” ad slogan. But nobody was laughing, especially not the county commissioner who owns a doughnut shop or the two local lawyers who had just opened a new Dunkin’ franchise. They threatened to sue and forced Newsom from his job, causing great jubilation among his co-workers. Apparently, Newsom had also angered staff members by barring doughnuts and candy bars in the office.