Say it with me, “Abdulmutallab!” I’m not sure, but I think it’s Nigerian for “FOOL!” So, another terrorist fool managed to fail in his attempt to blow up an airplane (scorching his leg to bits in the process), and to further ruin air travel for the rest
of us. In case you’ve been unconscious
for the last few days, another Muslim extremist (Abdulmutallab) tried to blow up an airplane as it descended toward
day. When I’m finally elected to be in
charge of the world, terrorists like this will be bathed in boiling pork fat
and thrown off the plane at 35,000 feet.
I firmly believe this will discourage the rest of the terrorists from
trying to blow up airplanes in the future.
They’ll at least think twice about it.
In the mean time, let me answer some of your questions:
What happens now? Well, we admit this fool into an awesome
state-of-the-art burn unit in a
hospital, we’ll heal him up nicely, and then we’ll give him an attorney and try
him before dumping him in a swell new “security facility” in
terrorists. He’ll get cable TV, free
meals, access to the internet, and good reading material, etc, so don’t worry
What about the rest of
us? In a classic knee-jerk reaction
reminiscent of the one where we decided to ban box-cutters from warehouse
workers and to steal nail clippers and knitting needles from grandmas in
airports everywhere, some new rules have been introduced for the fliers out there. Ready?
All international flights coming into the
passengers to remain in their seats for the last hour of the flight. Furthermore, they will have no access to
their carry-on bags, and they will be allowed to have nothing in their laps. “Not even pillows,” said the article that I
read in the St. Louis Dispatch. These
new rules aren’t just for international flights either, they were tried and
tested on a flight from
Why didn’t they stop this
guy? Abdulmutallab was on a “suspicion
of terrorist activity” list, and his father had come forward saying to the U.S.
embassy in Nigeria that he was afraid of his son’s “recent extreme religious
views” but they boy was not placed on a “no fly” list by the American
government. Why the hell no? I have no idea. We will have to ask the secretary of Homeland
Security, the head clown of the TSA circus, exactly what happened.
What on earth is wrong with
Janet Napolitano? Initially, after a
young man on a watchlist with a U.S. visa in his pocket and a powerful
explosive hidden on his body was allowed to board a fight from Amsterdam to
Detroit, she had the balls (yes, I think she does) to say, “The system worked,
there was no failure.” Monday (24 hours
after this ridiculous statement) she recanted, saying her words were, “taken
out of context.” She has conceded now
that the system failed. Now, she’s
trying to come with an explanation for why we’ve spent billions of dollars on a
system that is supposed to track suspicious fliers, and to sniff out suspicious
chemicals, that appears not to work on either front.
Do you feel it? That strange breeze in the air, can you feel
it? Those are the “Winds of Change,” my
friend. Stay alert and stay awake for
your next flight, who knows what will happen.
I flew back from St. Louis just a short day ago and I witnessed nothing
new in the world of security, but it’s early and I have no doubt that changes are
coming. Have you flown lately? Have you experienced new rules? Please drop a comment here and share your
EXTRA: If you have questions for Ken regarding
business travel, hotels, airplanes, etc, please send an email! Your questions
will be recorded and Ken will answer the best ones in his Ask the
Expert podcast show.