A while ago I had dinner with some friends, and the conversation turned to whether or not we were going to have more children-not just my family, but all families at the table.
Of the four moms that had gathered, two were definitely, medically not going to have more children (unless a doctor made a mistake!), one was not having more children but had not yet been to the doctor to make it permanent, and the fourth mom was on the fence.
She wanted more children, she said; she just wasn’t sure.
After dinner broke up, one of the other mom’s and I were discussing the conversation and I expressed surprised that the fourth mom wasn’t sure. My girlfriend told me that she was younger than us, just 33, and so therefore had some years before hitting the big 4-0.
“What’s the problem, then?” I asked, because honestly if I were a bit younger I might, just might, consider adding another baby to the brood.
“Her husband doesn’t help out with the kids at all, so she’s afraid to add another one to the mix since she already has two young kids at home.”
Sound familiar, or are you in a couplehood that gives and takes fifty-fifty?
If your husband doesn’t help, do you have someone else that can help, such as a mother, mother in law, sister, aunt or other family or friend?
I have friends who range from having no help at all to having a lot of help, and I have definitely seen the difference in not only the way their family runs but also in their demeanor. Those who have a lot of assistance with childcare, who are able to go out and do things with their spouse on a regular basis, who have a spouse that wakes up at times in the night with the kids or who takes the kids to the park or a ballgame so the mom can have a free day, seem much more at ease and. well, happy, than those who are doing it on their own.
Recently we traveled from California to our new home in Georgia. It was an eight night, nine day cross country drive. Night one, the girls got the flu. They were sick for quite a few days. You know how it is when the kids are sick: They want you 24-7. You are their support, and the person that makes them feel better, and so your time is spent taking care of them.
Then husband got the flu. Three down, mom to go. Only it didn’t hit me. For some reason I am invincible to getting sick, and I truly believe that is because if I were to get sick no one would be available to take care of the rest of the clan.
I’ll have to say, taking care of three sick people while on the road from California to Georgia, driving, handling the bags, getting to temporary housing and still taking care of three people who don’t feel well has, well, adled me.