A whopping 58 million Americans fart too much. Technically speaking, “they suffer from medical disorders that cause excessive gas.”
However you cut it, you still wouldn’t want to carpool with them.
Here’s our question: How many farts are too many? More than 14 a day, according to the poor sod who tracks these things.
If you belong to this windy group, and you live anywhere other than a frat house, you’re probably looking for help.
Lucky for you there’s Flat-D, the flatulence deodorizer. It’s a thin fabric pad made with activated charcoal that you adhere to the inside of your underwear. The material absorbs and neutralizes odors before they have a chance to terrorize everyone in your immediate vicinity.
Today, Flat-D generates more than a $1 million in annual sales. A single pad costs $12.95, and you can get several weeks’ use out of it — depending on the severity of your eruptions.
Brian Conant, who suffers from lactose intolerance, came up with the idea while doing chemical warfare training in the National Guard. The protective suit he wore was lined with charcoal, which meant he could let ‘em rip to his heart’s content.
He decided to put his military training to use, applying similar technology to odor-busting underwear. After all, the charcoal fabric was originally designed to defend against nerve gas and other deadly toxins. A mere fart, reasoned Conant, should be a piece of cake — or cheese, as the case may be.
If nothing else, at least America’s winning the war on chronic farting.