When we die — which could be any day now judging by the hate mail we get from touchy business owners — please don’t turn our ashes into a picture frame. Or a pendant. Or a bracelet. Or any other macabre trinket by which to remember us.
We know what you’re thinking. Who the heck would do that to their dearly departed? Customers of Sentimental Connections, that’s who.
Just send Uncle Joe’s ashes to Sentimental Connections and they’ll encapsulate them in a clear polymer that can be formed into any number of items, none of which resembles a coffin or urn.
The company says its patent-pending encapsulation method produces a smooth granite-like effect in the finished items. Sure, Uncle Joe was a drunken, shiftless lout in real life. But in death, he’s a classy pair of cufflinks.
To be fair, Nick Cranham, who founded Sentimental Connections, says that a highly personalized memorial keepsake can be very comforting to those mourning the loss of a loved one. Sure, we get it. We’d like to be remembered too. Just not as a weird piece of jewelry.
Cranham got the idea for Sentimental Connections after talking with a friend who was yearning for something tangible to memorialize a deceased family member. Cranham then spent $100,000 perfecting the process, the same amount we’ll pay anyone who keeps our ashes away from this guy.
Call us conventional, but we prefer to be remembered the old-fashioned way. The way Keith Richards paid tribute to his father. By mixing his ashes with blow and snorting them up his nose.