This could explain a lot. Like the time we got turned down for that job at Weinerschnitzel. (Weinerschnitzel, verdammt!) We always figured it was because we were overqualified. But then we heard about this website called Unvarnished. In the land of anonymous backstabbing and mudslinging (also known as the internet), Unvarnished plumbs new depths. It claims to offer “the inside scoop on other business professionals, providing candid assessments of coworkers, potential hires and business partners.” To which we say, oh really? The site is still in beta, so most comments are fairly innocuous for now, but you can see where this will go: rapidly downhill, toward a LinkedIn for finks (FinkedIn?), a place where any clown with a grudge can derail your promising career in the fast-food industry. If these people are going to call their site Unvarnished, they should at least be clear about the true intent. What a bunch of weiners.
Does this job make me look fat? It’s not just all those chili cheese dogs you’ve been eating. It’s your job that’s packing on the lard. Or so suggests new research from the University of Rochester Medical Center. The study weighs up the many bad habits that lead to obesity and traces most of them back to the office. Like too much time at your desk (bad), fast food for lunch (bad), stress eating (bad,) and vegging in front of the TV at the end of the day with a sixpack and a pizza (
good bad). But there is a bit of positive news buried in the report. A diet rich in fruits and vegetables does almost nothing to slow the steady inflation of stressed employees. So belly up to the vending machine. Seems a few Butterfingers won’t make much difference either way.
Funny business of the week! In our ongoing campaign lift consumer confidence via reportage of ridiculous products, we’re going to tell you about the Better Marriage Blanket. It’s a blanket made with a layer of activated charcoal. Inventor Francis Bibbo says it will neutralize the most odious ham-slam you can emit and thereby maintain a happy relationship that, otherwise, might be rent asunder with the sick tearing sound of…well, you know. Us, we’ve always thought that, by the time a relationship gets serious, a little flatulence between two committed people could be waved off with a wink and a laugh. But maybe we were wrong. (This could explain a lot.)