Joe Biden unveils new tool. We can think a lot of punchlines to throw in here, all of them below the belt, so we’ll just play it straight and say the vice president recently announced that he has an exciting stimulus package just for you. If you’re interested, check out the Recovery Act Tax Savings Tool. You can fill out a questionnaire and see if you’re eligible for any Recovery Act tax credits. You could save hundreds of bucks. In fact, the IRS says the average refund this year is up $260, mostly due to a wide range of Recovery Act tax breaks, everything from help with college expenses to the Cash for Caulkers refund for homeowners who make energy-efficiency improvements. That’s not bad, $260. It won’t buy you a new tool of your own (have you checked the price of online Viagra lately?) but you could spring for drinks down at your local pub. That’s always a good start.
What’s with all the pens? The president seems never to miss a chance to push out a new stimulus effort for some random industry, so we figured all those pens on the desk when he signed his new healthcare legislation was an economic boost for Parker Bros. The guy used about 95 different writing instruments! OK. In fact it was only 22. But still. There are only 11 letters in Barack Obama (he typically doesn’t include his middle name, Hussein, for obvious reasons) and that works out to half a letter per pen. Signing your name this way can’t be easy. But the arsenal of pens is a longstanding tradition when a president inks landmark legislation. Later, the pens will be handed out as souvenirs. Much later still, historians will look back at the scrawled signatures of our various presidents and figure they were all drunk when they signed big bills. (And who knows?)
Obama bowls like a girl. A lot has been made of the president’s fondness for basketball. And if you watch him at YouTube, he’s actually not bad (though he deserves a technical foul for playing in sweatpants). His bowling, on the other hand, is a different story. Look how he minces up to the stripe and rolls a gutterball. If we want we want to see girly guys in bowling alleys, we’ll watch Justin Bieber’s video.