The AC shops for a photo mug online: the product is great, but the process leaves something to be desired. (Retailing).

What does the phrase "too much of a good thing" bring to mind? Truffles by the truckload? Caviar by the bucket? A love life that would make Casanova blush?

All the AC can think of is Google (www.google.com), which is one of the finest free, general-interest search engines around. So

Just this: Google simply is too thorough, when all the AC wants is to buy, is a photo mug online. The AC types "photo novelties" as his keywords; and in seconds, he is rewarded with 116,000 websites from which to choose.

"Stupid keywords," the AC hears his detractors yelling from the back of his mind. So he quickly deletes "photo novelties," and enters "photo mugs" instead.

Though it took Google an extra second to respond, it next brought up 227,000 entries. The AC can't possibly understand how such an open-ended keyword phrase as "photo novelties," which encompasses thousands of items, can result in more than 100,000 fewer website entries than using "photo mug," a single product from within that very same world of seemingly endless possibilities.

Past experience makes a difference

Though the AC has purchased a dozen or more items online, not to mention being the high bidder on eBay for a dozen or two more, he never has shopped by "surfing" the Internet, and wants to give it a try.

All previous purchases were bought from companies he knew from the pre-Internet era that have a brick-and-mortar presence in the world, or from word-of-mouth recommendations from people whose judgment he trusts--most of the time, at least.

The AC's oldest friends, including those who've only recently stopped talking to him--probably forever--and won't tell him why, are now in their early 60s and are thinking about retiring to the little house in southern New Mexico they inherited several years ago.

They hem and haw, hem and haw. The best reason for staying is their daughter and grandkids are nearby; the best reason for leaving is never, ever shoveling snow again. To make matters worse, they live in a suburb that tickets homeowners whose houses badly need painting. Big blue paint chips in the freshly fallen snow are rather conspicuous, they've noted. Pithy understatement is a talent the AC cherishes in his friends.

The AC doesn't want to influence their decision, and that's why he wants this photo mug. The choice isn't perfect, but as close to it as he can come, and will cover each option facing his friends.

He plans to have one of the best SX-70 photos he ever snapped printed on the mug. It was taken from his dining room window several years ago in early March, the morning after a late-winter storm had dumped 8 inches on the ground during the night. Now stopped, the sky remained ominous, with green-tinged black and dark gray clouds overhead.

Amateur-looking websites foster suspicion

He now simply must surf the `Net until he chooses a company--none of which he's ever heard of before--that makes him feel comfortable.

Even though he's been involved in the photo industry for the last quarter century, the AC manages to open two sites that clearly are wholesale operations. Yes, an individual can order one simple mug, rather than 500; but the AC doesn't believe, deep down, that his order would receive the same attention.

So he thinks it might be wise to find some sites that at least give the impression of a budding e-commerce entrepreneur; one whose lean and hungry, yet decently designed, website looks promising.

The first one the AC opens starts with this partial sentence: "Hi, my name is--, and I would like to introduce you to my photo mugs ..." The AC doesn't expect to find Einstein selling mugs online, but that sentence is a little too iffy for his taste.

He next finds a very simple-but-pleasant-looking site that apparently sells photo mugs, regardless of what type of photo the customer sends. The site's name, however, clearly indicates a preference for military items.

The AC doesn't care if the owner wants to use his business name for selling products that have nothing to do with armies; otherwise, he'd need to take out more legal notices in the newspaper for what almost certainly would amount to marginal returns.

Returning e-mail questions is good for business

Still, the AC decides he'd better check before ordering. He never receives a reply to his e-mail query. This is not unique to little start-up companies. Of the 10 or 12 sites he opened, the AC sent an e-mail question to three of them and received no replies, though one looked to be the biggest retailer he could find.

The AC doesn't think rudeness is the sole issue. His question is about the file size he should send. He's working with a dial-up modem, and can't transmit more than 0.5MB during normal business hours, and sometimes far less.

Though all the sites he viewed accept digital files, except for one lab-novelty operation in Canada, none seems at all anxious to receive them. The instructions for selecting and sending a snapshot are fairly extensive, and include, in some instances, a downloadable copyright release form for professionally made images.

Many sites, including the one located in New York State the AC finally selected, have placed instructions for e-mailing digital files in rather inconspicuous locations. Some say nothing more than to send a high-resolution file, without defining what's the minimum acceptable resolution or preferred format.

By this time, the AC would prefer to go shopping for shoes with Imelda Marcos than to click open one more photo-novelty website. He selects one of the three large sites he opened, each with tons of thumbnail pictures of various novelty items.

The AC becomes a tad nervous, however, when he goes to the credit-card payment page. It looks as if the form were made on an old dot-matrix printer. A box does appear to explain that, while a portion of the page is not secure, the portion with credit-card numbers is secure.

The AC decides to try a little test. He calls the number at the bottom of the page. A human voice, which doesn't have that hard to describe, though readily apparent speech pattern of a telemarketer, answers the phone.

The AC hears noises in the background that sure sound like pots and pans bumping against each other. The AC explains he needs just one mug, and the Polaroid photo isn't too sharp itself, so he needn't worry about sharpness, just so long as the picture clearly says "snow" at first sight.

He then said he needed it in a hurry--three or four days ahead of the turnaround time noted on the website, and would be willing to pay for whatever expedited service and fast delivery might cost. The man said that wouldn't be necessary for a single mug, and added the mug would arrive by the date requested. He'd call if there were any problems with my picture file.

A crook would take the extra money and be out of town before all the bank charge-backs reached him, the AC says to himself. So he fills out the order form, makes two scans of his photo--one a TIFF file, and one a high-end JPEG--and sends them off individually, each with complete shipping instructions and reiterating that precise sharpness isn't required.

To his delight, the mug arrived one day earlier than scheduled, and the photo looks better than the AC's mental image of what's acceptable. The mug itself has a nice hefty feeling, and the bottom edge of the mug is smooth, unlike most mugs today, and doesn't produce that awful nails-on-the-chalkboard feeling while running a finger over it.

Yes, the mug is fine and the company honest. The AC would definitely order from him again. Nevertheless, the AC found the entire process both unpleasant and mildly risky. He didn't enjoy it, and those detractors in the back of his mind now are yelling something about keeping his fingers crossed until the credit-card statement arrives. "Shut up," he tells them.

The AC definitely will continue to purchase products online, and not just to avoid paying sales tax, but also will stick with places and people he already knows and trusts, with a new name now added to the list.

e-mail: PMA_Publications@pmai.org

Four tips for buying photo novelties online

* Good search engines produce thousands of entries for topics this broad. Don't be discouraged. It takes little time to learn to spot wholesalers from retailers, before you open the link. Also, the "best" matches to a keyword are usually found on the first several pages.

* Many small e-commerce companies lack the capital to build and maintain a huge, sophisticated-looking website. This, per se, isn't an indication of their honesty or service. It's prudent, however, to reject any company that won't answer an e-mail question within a day or two.

* If file format and resolution preferences aren't clearly stated, call or send an e-mail message for this information. Sending the wrong type of file can delay delivery or produce poor results.

* Send picture files separately if working with a dial-up modem and uploading high-resolution TIFF files is needed. Be sure to re-enter your name, address, phone number, or e-mail address that was sent with a credit card number.