The rule of reciprocity "I'll do this for you. Then, you do that for me."(How to Trigger the "Yes" Response, part 2)

The Rule of Reciprocity firmly states that we are all bound, even driven, to repay debts of all kinds. It is an almost automatic reaction.

I am sitting in a restaurant with an out-of-town client.

It is informal. Pizza, bread sticks and beer. We chat about our projects, baseball and

Then it happens. The check arrives.

My client and I both dive for it. Unfortunately, he is closer and snatches it up.

I say, "No. This is my treat."

He shakes his head, "Won't hear of it. I'm happy to pick up the tab."

He firmly tucks his credit card in with the slip. "You can get it next time when you visit my town."

With resignation, I say, "Thanks. I...uh...appreciate it."

And I do appreciate it, but something feels wrong. I cannot figure it out. I get free food, but I am uneasy about something.

Two weeks later, I have forgotten all about it. But when the same client asks me to do something extra on a project, something not in our contract, I agree without thinking. He asks, and while I would usually refuse, I say, "Yes."

The Rule of Reciprocity

What just happened here? What happened is that I just fell victim to the Rule of Reciprocity, which is the first of several principles of influence that we will be looking at in the next few months.

The Rule of Reciprocity firmly states that we are all bound, even driven, to repay debts of all kinds. Someone does something for you. Then you feel obligated to repay. It is an almost automatic reaction.

For example:

You are sending out invitations for a party and decide to invite that couple down the street. You do not like them and do not really want them at your party. However, they invited you to their party four months ago, so you feel compelled to invite them to yours.

You get a Christmas card from someone you have not heard from in years and immediately add their name to your mailing list. You know they are not part of your life anymore and you may never see them again. You already send way too many cards. But, they sent a card to you, so you automatically send one in return.

A co-worker asks you to fill in for him over the weekend and you agree without thinking. You even had plans. However, he filled in for you once before, so how can you refuse?

Reciprocity is at work in all these examples. When one person does something for another, that other person senses that a debt is owed and is compelled to repay.