Better business: columnist Steven D. Strauss explains how to negotiate like a lawyer.

Q: Hey Steve, you lawyers seem to be really good negotiators. Do they teach you this at law school? If so, what do they say; or if not, where do you guys pick it up? This seems to be a skill I would like to have.

--Joseph

A: You are right, negotiating is both something lawyers tend to be good at, and is also something that can help almost any small businessperson be more effective. Where do we learn it? A variety of places:

* Many law schools today stress practical skills. For instance, I was part of a mock negotiation team that competed in local and regional events.

* At the firm, skills are further sharpened in a variety of ways: Informal mentoring; group sessions; and, of course, actual combat with opposing counsel.

* Finally, sharpening negotiation skills is always a popular Continuing Legal Education course.

Yet, while lawyers tend to become skilled negotiators, it is equally accurate to say negotiating is not something that comes easily to most people. So I would like to offer you a crash course in "How to Negotiate Like a Lawyer."

Know it's a game

The less seriously you take it, the more you know it's a game, the more effective you will be.

The point is not to talk someone into something

Great negotiators know what they want, but they also help the other side get what it needs. In fact, that is how they can get what they want. Get it?

It's not a zero-sum game

Too many novices go into a negotiation thinking it's all or nothing, win or lose, you or me. But it's not. Lawyers know both sides must win some key points if the deal is to last. Even if you are in the power position, if you make the deal too one-sided, the other side will almost assuredly breach because performing will likely be too onerous. This is not to say lawyers don't try to get the best deal possible, of course they do. They just recognize a negotiation is a two-way street.

Try to avoid making the first offer

If you are negotiating with a new vendor and you tell her you can't pay more than $3.00 per widget, then guess what? You will be paying $3.00 per widget, because your first offer relayed that that was an acceptable price. Too bad she was willing to sell for $2.50.

Know when to shut up

Stop talking and listen. When the other side is speaking, you can glean valuable information. You may catch a faux pas, or a piece of valuable information you did not know, or even an option you wouldn't have known was available if you had kept talking.

Similarly, silence is a very powerful tool when given an offer you don't like. The ensuing uncomfortable silence will usually be broken by the other side back-peddling.

Be creative

Lawyers know there are many ways to get the same result. Maybe you can't give your manager that raise she wants, but you could give her a few afternoons off a month. She feels like she got something, but you really didn't give up much.

Don't fall in love

When it becomes clear you have to have something you are negotiating for (whether it is a price, an issue, or a thing), you've tipped your hand and your opponent will use it against you. If the car salesman knows you "just love that blue Beemer," watch out!

Be willing to walk

This may be the most powerful tool of them all. The willingness to leave the table is like a negotiation bomb, and that is when you will likely get your best offer. Try it the next time you go car shopping.

Today's tip

A few other books you may want to check out include:

* "Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In," by Roger Fisher.

* "Trump-Style Negotiation: Powerful Strategies and Tactics for Mastering Every Deal," by George H. Ross.

* "You Can Negotiate Anything," by Herb Cohen.

* "Negotiate Like the Pros," by John Patrick Dolan.