Masters of the obvious.

Once again, the Center For Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) proved that they are masters of the obvious and insulted the intelligence of Americans by pointing out that pizza topped with cheese, sausage, and other goodies is fattening. It's also loaded with calories, shock, and CSPI recommends

To which I just have a few words to say, just shut up!

And you know what? That's what millions of Americans will say when they hear of the CSPI's latest report, thanks to group's well-oiled public relations machine.

However, if the CSPI gang were really listening to the American public, they'd hear us say, "Thanks, guys. You must really think that we're a bunch of idiots. Gee, we're too stupid to figure out that a slice of the extra Meat Lover's pizza might have as much fat and calories as a Big Mac. Well, duuuuh, but we don't care. Pile it on, dudes.

"And what's this about eating a pizza salad? We have an idea. Why don't you little CSPIs should come over to our house with your little veggie pizzas so that we can barf them all over you when we're done eating them?"

It just hurts my brain when I hear the condescending yap-dogs at CSPI keep on ranting that we can't eat fried eggs for breakfast or popcorn at the theater because they think that Americans are a bunch of ignorant pigs who snarf down any morsel within reach and live for their next meal.

Then again, I know some people like that, and they're now probably woofing down a box of warm cheesy breadsticks before chomping on a extra large pizza along with a Diet Coke for good measure. If CSPI had the gall tell them what to eat, they'd probably use two words to respond. Give you a hint. It's not "make babies," but you're close.

Hey guys, don't crash the party for those of us who enjoy life. Don't you know that consumers want indulgence. They want chocolate. They also want extra sauce, extra cheese and extra value meals. Big Macs at 99-cents. Make that two. Those are the trends that make the folks at CSPI sick.

And it gets worse for them. At the Food Marketing Institute show in Chicago this month, snack and bakery producers rolled out dozens of new yummy products-some that do contain fat, sugar, calories and carbos, but we didn't see a flood of no-fat, low-calorie snack and bakery foods, and you know why? They suck. Sorry, CSPI, that's the truth. They suck.

Oh sure, the fattening of America must be a conspiracy theory. Corporate giants are getting rich off the backs and expanding guts, butts and thighs of its innocent citizens. They're seducing Americans with snack and bakery products that are just more and more delicious that we just cannot have enough.

Hey guys at CSPI, get real.

And just shut up. People know that fried chicken, gooey layer cakes, triple Whoppers and, yes, pizza can be fattening, but a lot of folks don't give a hoot. So stop bothering us unless you have something really new to say. If the urge hits and you feel that you just got to open your mouth to tell us something we already know, stick something into it and hope that it tastes good.