Annoying Co-Workers

Ever read an etiquette book? An advice column? They're full of questions about how to deal with people who exhibit annoying behavior, and the answer is often the same: Don't worry, as soon as he or she gets a job, that will stop. People on the job will teach them the behavior is unacceptable.

Well, guess what? He or she got a job-withyou! And so far, no one has put a stop to the annoying and inappropriate behavior. At the office, the assumption always is that people already know how to act when they get a job. Clearly, this is a bad assumption.

Hoping for advice on how to handle it? Too bad. This is just a rant. Here are some behaviors you can feel empowered to be very annoyed by:

* Snapping fingers-a common problem, and for some reason practiced mostly by those walking by rows of people trying to work.

* Whistling-one of the worst: because it's high-pitched, it carries long distances, it can be heard even by those wearing headphones, and, for some victims, it triggers migraines.

* That highly audible phone call in an open office between a boyfriend and a girlfriend recounting last night's intimate encounter. Sometimes you can't help but overhear and sometimes it's way too much detail.

* Shrieks of laughter-fortunately uncommon, but when it happens, ouch!

* Throwing things-especially over cubicle walls-a biggie for nerds. Thank heavens they tend to be Nerf products fans.

* Clicking pens open and closed in meetings-doesn't seem like a biggie, but just try to follow a complex discussion while this is going on.

* Snapping gum or sucking on mints loudly enough for others to hear-ick!

Why do these people behave this way?

1. They're pathetic losers who have never been taught how to behave.

2. They're self-centered jerks who don't even understand their behavior is infringing on other people.

3. They're self-centered clods who don't care, even if they do understand that their behavior is a problem for others.

4. They're annoying losers who are desperate for attention.

5. They're immature idiots who don't believe in the idea that the workplace is for adults.

6. All of the above.

If you're the person doing this, you are hereby on notice: you're wasting your company's money by your own lack of productivity and the way you cut into other people's productivity. Your co-workers hate your behavior, and pretty soon they're going to hate jou. So cut it OUT!

True Office Story

The grossest thing I ever experienced related to my office job was a lunch with a co-worker who ate soup with her fingers. I know, you don't believe me. Why would you? But it's true.

She was new on the job and knowing that we would be working closely together, I tried to do the right thing and asked her to lunch. When we sat down to lunch, I took a bite of my sandwich, and she reached for her soup-and reached in with a couple of fingers and a thumb, grabbed a piece of chicken, carried it, dripping, to her mouth, and dropped it in. I stared.

Remembering it's rude to stare, I smiled weakly and started a conversation. She answered me and groped around in the bowl with her fingers again. I was torn three ways-my training to be polite, revulsion that prompting me to flee the table, and a powerful urge to stare at the horrifying spectacle.

The end of the story? We work together just fine, but I will never, ever, eat with her again.

Seen, an annoying or gross behavior in your office that you'd like to share with us? E-mail editor Scott Cullen at scullen@os-od.com, and we'll provide an update in our next edition of Inbox. All replies will remain confidential so as not to annoy your annoying co-workers.