Deciphering Trade-Show Talk

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT AN ENTIRE generation of younger managers has emerged without ever learning the basics of TradeShowSpeak, a unique language favored by industry associations and exhibition companies that sponsor these gargantuan festivals of commerce and excess. As a public service to those attending their first trade shows this season (as well as for those who've already attended too many), I offer a Berlitz phrasebook of common trade show terms:

Exclusive Audience: Brochure: Independent research shows that the American Widget Show attracts buyers who don't attend any other trade show, Translation: Attendees can't afford to attend any other show-or to buy anything.

Qualified Leads: Brochure: The American Widget Show annually provides exhibitors with more qualified leads than any other source. Translation: "Qualified," in this sense of the word, means "not dead."

Luxury Accommodations: Brochure: Fourstar show hotels are conveniently located nearby, with shuttles provided on the half hour. Translation: You've never heard of our show hotels because they're inconveniently located two counties away. Don't worry, though, because we've borrowed some used Greyhound buses without air-conditioning to schlep you back and forth every 90 minutes, if the driver remembers. Bring a copy of War and Peace and make sure to use the Show restiooms before you climb aboard.