Balancing ethics and profitability.

The author, the president of a direct marketing creative firm, examines the ethics of the business in which he works.

And it came to pass that direct marketing multiplied upon the face of the earth. And the vanity and wickedness of direct response advertisers became great. And the attorneys general looked upon the industry, and, behold, it was corrupt.

And in one voice the attorneys general spoke unto the sinners, saying, "I have given thee great persuasive power and thou hast used it not for good, but for evil." And a great cloud passed over the land. Lightening smote the mountain tops and the earth did tremble with thunder.

And the attorneys general said, "For thy wickedness I shall punish thee. Thou shalt offer up to me a portion of thy wealth. And I shall bind thy feet so that they may no longer walk in crooked ways. But wait, there's more! For I shall also twist and pull and hurt thy tongues, so that they may no longer speak lies except with a noticeable lisp so that all shall know thy deception."

And the marketing executives they did moan and wail. And the copywriters and consultants did gnash their teeth. And the creative directors did rend their designer shirts. And the CEOs of nonprofit organizations did wobble and faint upon the crush-resistant carpeting of their offices. And the publishers did find 27 quick ways to weep. And the telemarketers did cast down their predictive dialers and were struck dumb between the hours of 5 p.m. and 9 p.m. And the credit card marketers were not at all happy, though they suffered less since they were so busy mailing 83 pieces of plastic to every man, woman, and creditworthy college student each day.

And the land grew quiet and the cash registers sat idle. And the attorneys general, they did smile, saying, "It is good."

A joke or a prediction?

I think it may be a prediction. And the day of reckoning may come sooner than we think. The signs are all around us...

The fast-talking boiler room bandits selling fictitious gold mines over the phone to poor little old widows.

The cleverer-than-thou crooks luring hapless would-be entrepreneurs with ads that bark, "Become a millionaire in a year. Just send $5 for information," and then mailing a letter that enthusiastically tells the suckers to place similar ads to get 200,000 other suckers to mail them $5.