Insurance 'bestsellers' for your holiday gift list

Policy Issues

ONCE again it's that magical time of year when we cast away our cares for one glorious month and ponder our many blessings of the past year. This holiday season is no different. To help you relax and enjoy the season, here is our annual recommended holiday reading list for insurance

* Who Moved My Market? In this cheerful and wise anecdote about life in the wondrous world of insurance agents, the author tells the tale of two mice who one day awaken to a puzzle: Their plentiful soft markets, which have served them well for so many years, have suddenly disappeared. Where once there was an abundance of markets, now only a few hard scraps remain, and those nearly indigestible. At first our mice ponder the mystery. Did terrorists steal away their sustenance? After realizing that the soft days are gone, the two choose different courses. One laces up his traveling shoes and sets off in search of new sources of coverage. The other, still puzzled at the sudden shift in the marketplace, decides to sit tight and wait for his markets to return. The author invites you to decide which mouse is more like you, and how you would react to such a crisis. As one mouse hopes for rescue, the other journeys through a maze of discovery. As he searches, he discovers great truths about insurance markets and writes them on the wall of the maze for his friend or the industry trade press to discover. These include such insights as: "E&S is where it's at!" "Reinsurance rules"; and, of course, "Clients should understand they've been getting away with murder on those low premiums!" At last both mice find a happy ending-the first by finding sufficient new markets to survive, and the one who stayed home by eventually accepting a buyout offer from a national chain.

* The One-Minute Underwriter is a marvelously entertaining and educational tale of a young man seeking the ultimate underwriter. He is introduced to the infamous One-Minute Underwriter. Amazed at the man's clean desk, confident and relaxed manner and apparent abundance of free time to share his thoughts and techniques with a young novice, he asks for the secret. The answer? "Anyone can be a One-Minute Underwriter," offers the infamous one. "Although many study for years trying to grasp and master the complexities of the underwriting discipline, it really all comes down to a simple and effective technique. Pick up a copy of the current industry trade press. Is the market soft? Then the answer to every submission is a simple, `Sure, we want it-what price point do you need to win the account?'"

"But what if the industry pundits claim the market is hard?" queries the young man. "Even easier," replies the One-Minute Underwriter. "Then your answer to every submission is, `No, we are no longer interested in that type of business.' "That's it? Soft means yes and hard means no?" asks the amazed young man. "That's it!" the OneMinute Underwriter says with a smile. "Wow!" cries the young man. "I want to be a One-Minute Underwriter, too! And I will repay your kindness in sharing your secrets with me by teaching others this marvelous wisdom!" "As you wish," replies the OneMinute Underwriter, "But if I were you I'd just forget it. My company has already laid off every underwriter but me. I hear the housing market is doing well. Perhaps you should try to find a One-Minute Realtor."

* The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Adjusters. First published nearly 20 years ago, the timeless guidelines of this classic are reaffirmed through their daily usage by adjusters everywhere. No adjuster can go wrong following such time-tested advice as "Be proactive-deny the claim quickly" and "Begin with the denial in mind." Many are the adjusters who, in the depths of depression, have found their day brightened by reflecting on such wisdom as "Seek first to confound, then to obfuscate," "Claim intent comes first" and, of course, "Synergize-define it all as pollution." Let us not forget the seventh, and my personal favorite, "Sharpen the pencil," explaining key techniques such as the secrets to paying ACV under replacement cost provisions and how to find that magic settlement point at which an insured will (often grudgingly) settle for your offer and not call an attorney. Truly timeless! If it has been several years since you absorbed the truths of this classic, reread it today. And buy a few copies to share with your friends. Don't forget to obtain a copy of the author's equally motivational sequel, "Preserving-the-Carrier's-Principal-Centered Adjustership."

* The Texas MoldBillies! (To the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies.") Let me tell you all a story of a man named Ted. A middle-class Houston businessman who loved his house and bed. And then one day while he was drinking something cold, his nose started running and he thought, "I bet it's mold!" Black mold. Thick as could be. Well, the next thing you know, old Ted's a millionaire. Seems they opened up his wall and that mold was everywhere. He sued his insurer, paid his lawyer a fat fee, burned down the house and moved to Beverly. Hills, that is. Right next door to Ed McMahon.

* Profit From the Score. No, not credit score. Too passe. This is the explosive, true story of a recent breakthrough in underwriting analysis certain to drive the insurance world outside the box and across the chasm, all at the speed of thought. You'll find yourself riveted by this unbelievable yet true tale of a small band of rural English teacher/actuaries who, while searching for new computer algorithms in an effort to create even deeper levels of play for Doom, unwittingly unearth a template for behavior prediction that leaves credit scoring in the dust! Their discovery? Grammar-- score underwriting! It is amazingly accurate in its ability to predict individual driving experience. The teachers notice that students who are best able to properly stick to the rules of grammar also seem to have the best driving records. After nearly two hours of intensive research (pulling MVRs and matching them to term papers run through Grammatic), they release their findings to a stunned insurance industry.

"It seems grammar is an extremely accurate indicator of driving skill," says Mary Alfred, spokesperson for the teacher/actuary team. "Improper punctuation indicates a tendency to speed. Dangling participles are clear indicators of collision losses, and improper verb conjugation directly correlates to DUI frequency. We could always tell, for example, that Billy Walker was drunk when he wrote his assigned essays. Talk about abuse of past tense!" One insurance carrier executive reflects the thoughts of many when she states, "It doesn't make any sense to me, but it sure seems to work!" Given the inarguable conclusiveness of the findings, within weeks every major insurer files to make grammar score their key basis for auto coverage underwriting. Soon no one remembers the days when auto coverage could be purchased without submitting a 500-word essay on"Where I drove last summer." (NOTE: Although at press time several class-action suits alleging inherent grammar-scoring discrimination against groups such as rednecks are proceeding through the courts, no imminent changes to the new underwriting rules are anticipated.)

Add just one or two of these classics to your reading list. Soon you'll be amazing your insurance friends with your new-found wisdom at those endof-the-year insurance festivities. That, plus a few gallons of eggnog, and your holidays are sure to be the best ever. Merry Christmas to all!