A bumper crop of stickers.

You know what I saw on a car that had 199 bumper stickers plastered everywhere? A sticker that read, "Ban bumper stickers." For lovers of irony, it doesn't get much better.

Yes, I counted every stinkin' sticker. And yes, I stood outside taking notes as people strolled by probably

I've never been a bumper sticker guy. About the only one I ever applied to the many cars I've owned had something to do with my daughter Liz being an honor student at Bishop Guertin High School. After all, parents are expected to advertise their high-achieving offspring, as obnoxious as that is. Naturally, I chuckled at another sticker on the white 1990-something Toyota Tercel that read, "My honor student sued your bully."

As I stared at this pop culture philosophy sampler, I wondered what kind of person would cover their car with so many slogans, many of which contradicted other stickers. I even left a note under the windshield wiper, hoping the owner would call me so I could find out what kind of reaction this car-with-a-conscience receives. So far, no reply.

Maybe the owner has moved to another dimension as suggested by this one: "I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead." Then again, maybe not. "The more you complain, the longer God makes you live."

About the only parts of this road-weary Toyota not covered with bumper stickers were the windows. Love this one: "I'm only driving this because aliens ate my Volvo." I didn't realize E.T. had a fondness for Swedish cuisine. This one made me laugh: "I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me?'

You can't have 199 bumper stickers without a few political sayings, right? "It ain't over till your brother counts the votes." Must've been visiting Florida when that one hit the bumper. "Politicians and diapers need to be changed, often for the same reasons." And one more: "Unlike taxes, death doesn't get worse every year."

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

I got to wondering if the owner of this car is a college student majoring in philosophy, modern art or just can't afford Bondo automotive body repair to hold his or her heap together.

Maybe this is a clue: "I majored in liberal arts. By the way, will that be for here or to go?" Even better: "As long as there are tests, there will always be prayer in public schools." Brilliant!

I also wondered what kind of relation ships this mystery driver has with others. The answer, my friend, is stuck to the hood: "I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister."

Looks like I'll never get to meet the person who drives around New Hampshire, no doubt catching funny looks and lots of laughs. Considering the old age of the modest vehicle, this bumper sticker fits perfectly under the driver's window, "Broke! Rob me only if you need the practice."

By the way, have you hugged a columnist today?

You can hear Mike Morin weekdays from 5 to 10 a.m. on "New Hampshire in the Morning" on 95.7 WZID-FM. Contact him at Heymikey@aol.com.