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Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

By Brandt, John R
Publication: Industry Week
Date: Wednesday, February 1 2006
HEADNOTE

The corporate world has its own theory on relativity, and Albert Einstein has nothing to do with it.

AFTER CENTURIES OF STUDY AND DEBATE, SCIntists recently have concluded that our nderstanding of the laws

of physics remains primitive, and that time itself may be more malleable than we ever thought. To which I say: For this we waited centuries? Anybody who's worked in a corporation for more than 10 minutes knows that time is far more complex than the linear tick-tick-tick of a watch.

To wit:

Time is Flexible: It took Albert Einstein an entire blackboard full of equations to prove his theory of relativity, which says that time is different depending on where you sit. It's obvious that Big Al never made a sales call, or else he would have figured out this relativity thing with a hell of a lot less math. Time, we corporate lackeys know, depends not on the laws of physics but on who's asking whom for cash. If it's you wheedling for the purchase order or budget line, you'll show up on time in a suit and tie, smelling of the best cologne you can afford. If, however, it's you who is being sucked up to, you can show up 45 minutes late in sweat pants with an obvious case of flatulence.

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