The Virtual Concierge

Have you ever asked anyone a stupid question?  I know, I know… we all have, but I'm serious.  I'm talking about the kind of questions we hear every day that make you want to smack somebody.  Like when you're trying to checkout at the local Wal-mart and the cashier asks you, "Did you find everything you needed today?"  Of course not!  They don't have the 1,000 thread per inch count Egyptian cotton bed sheets in the California King sized that I was looking for!  It's Wal-mart, duh; everyone knows exactly what they do and don't have and if they don't have it, your sadness is immediately replaced by that burning desire you suddenly feel to get the hell out of there!

My local Home Depot does the same thing, "Didja get what ya needed today?"  "Well, no, actually… my toilet is spraying water all over the house and I have raw sewage running over the stairs and into my family room, but I couldn't find a pipe wrench or some plumber's putty so I thought I'd just give up and hope it stops someday."

Hotels are in on the act now!  Lately, my email box seems to be cluttered with "Virtual Concierge" messages from hotels where I've made some advanced reservations.  "Mr. Walker, we're excited to inform you that your stay at the Marriott Denver Tech Center is only two weeks away!  Please check the boxes you see below if there is anything we can provide you with."  Then the check boxes… "Fresh Towels;" Who doesn't check this box??  "I'd like the mildewed towels please!"  Some choices are fairly reasonable like hypo-allergenic pillows, ironing board, extra blanket, etc.

My favorite part of the virtual concierge, bar none, has to be the open comment box.  "If there's anything else we can do to make your stay enjoyable, please don't hesitate to enter your request in the box provided below."  Awesome!  I ALWAYS use this box!  "I'd like the thermostat set to 63.2 degrees, I want tapestries of the finest Japanese silk, some homemade flour tortillas and a pony!"  I've never actually asked for a pony, but my boss thought it would be pretty cool if I did.  The trouble is, some of these five star hotels might actually attempt to give you a pony… what then?

Some of the things I've asked for on my wish list have actually come true!  I've managed to get feather pillows, a men's grooming kit, hair gel, nail clippers, king sized towels, and one time in San Francisco I got a Bose Wave Radio (i-Pod ready) for an alarm clock!

So don't be afraid to ask!  Just don't send me email when you find pony-poop in your suitcase…