You Might Be a Frequent Traveler If...

I still lived in Houston, TX when the movie "Fargo" was released. I enjoyed it. As a traveler who'd not yet been to MN, I really enjoyed the colloquialisms and the hilarious portrayal of the "typical Minnesota resident." Now, fast forward to 1997 when I moved to the great state of Minnesota… I was stunned at the number of citizens who were outraged at humor made at their expense in that movie! They would look right at me and say (with a thick MN accent), "Yah know, dat movie was Nooo good, ya knooowww. Yah." Hilarious! They were exactly like their lampooned characters and the irony was thick. I wanted to say, "Listen to yourself!" I felt like the boy from the fairy tale, "The Emperor's New Clothes."

Jeff Foxworthy actually made a list (a long list) of things that might help rednecks recognize themselves and find humor in their own behavior. In the same tradition, I will now present for you a list of things to help you recognize when you've breached the frequent traveler threshold and you might want to take a look at slowing down a bit.

You might travel too much if:

• You moved your family to a hub city to reduce the number of layovers and connections you had to endure.

• You recognize flight attendants, and you remember their first names.

• Flight attendants recognize YOU, and they remember what you like to drink!

• The guy at the McDonald's in your local airport sees you and asks, "Would you like the usual?"

• When you sign the room service bill in your hotel, you write in the room number you were assigned LAST week in another city in a completely different hotel.

• You've eaten so much room service from so many hotels in a given hotel chain, that you can now order from any Marriott, Hilton, or Hyatt in the nation without seeing a menu.

• You've "test driven" more than 100 cars from rental agencies.

• You have a driver's license, a passport, and an international driver's license as forms of id.

• You know the make and model of an airplane, just by looking at it; AND, you can describe in detail the difference between an Airbus A319, A320, A330, and A380.

• You have enough frequent flier miles to take a free trip around the planet, first class; and yet, you continue to collect them.

• You have enough hotel points to stay more than a month in any hotel that you choose; and yet... you continue to collect them.

• Your TV, and all major appliances were purchased with some kind of frequent traveler points, books, or coupons.

• Your wife freely redecorates or rearranges rooms and furniture in the house without your consent, and when you get home, you fail to notice.

• You sleep like a baby on a pillow top mattress in a Marriott hotel, but you have trouble falling asleep at home.

• Before you buy any electronics, you ask yourself how well it will pack, if it will pass through security, and how big its transformer and power-cord are.

• You've had more than 10 shots to immunize yourself against various world diseases, and you carry a yellow Federal Immunization history record in your passport wallet.

• You renewed your passport before it expired because it was FULL.

• You flush with anger and resentment whenever you see the initials TSA.

• You know EXACTLY which hotels, motels, taxi-cabs, and restaurants take AMX, VISA, Mastercard, and/or Dinersclub and who doesn't.

And finally…

• You spend more time scheduling when you can be HOME than you do booking travel for going on the road!
  

P.S. Check out my first Podcast here at Allbusiness.com. Thanks a bunch for your support: http://www.allbusiness.com/4974278-1.html